Are you a real vampire? Are you sure? How would you know? The Internet, of course! This page lists a series of questions that are supposed to help you figure it out. It apparently isn’t a joke, either – the operator of the page claims to be serious.
The sole purpose of this page is to help you figure out if you are a real vampire or not. This is to be used with the finding a real vampire page on this site. After all if you don’t recognize yourself as a real vampire then you aren’t a real vampire. All of the traits below are accurate for more than half of all real vampires. All real vampires have at least 85% of them, in other words if at least 85% of them don’t apply to you then you are not a vampire. Assuming that you are a real vampire, the fact that so many of these traits are accurate for you may shock you.
Those are the traits that I am saying are 95% so that I don’t rule any real vampires out that the traits may not be accurate for. If you are convinced that you are a real vampire, yet have few to none of these traits you really need to read up on a term that is known as enabling and stop claiming to be one. You could even seem to have all of them but there is still no guarantee that you are a real vampire.
If you’re in the mood, click on over and run through the questions. Maybe it will turn out that you were a vampire all along, and if so you should probably pick up a copy of The Vampire’s Guide to Dining. After all, you have to eat sometime, right?